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My bank account(+ the rocking horse winne
Message de pf1989 posté le 28-01-2007 à 12:18:38 (S | E | F | I)
Bien le bonjour à tous les participants de ce forum.Je suis en cinquiéme année de secondaire général .J'apprends l'allemand, le néerlandais et l'anglais .Ma langue maternelle étant le français je n'ai aucune difficulté mais j'aimerais pouvoir parler anglais comme je parle français alors pour cela je m'excerce d'abord à écrire des textes .Voila un petit texte que j'ai fait mais j'aimerais avoir une petite correction si cela est possible bien sûr et votre avis sur l'histoire (si vous avez compris ou pas ) Je remercie de tout coeur ceux qui vont participer à la correction de cette histoire merci beaucoup
.
Voici l'histoire :
One day a man who wanted to open an account .He went to the bank .He was frightened by everthings.He was in the bank and he believed to open an account , he mus ask to see the manager.He asked at the clerk to see the manager alone.The manager came back and they went in a private room.The manager asked him if he was a detective but the man explained that he wasb't a detective . After he believed that he was a member of the Rotschild family but the man explained that he wasn't a membre of this family .The man wanted only to open an account.he explained that he wanted to put fifty-six dollars in this bank .The manager was angry and called a clerk .The man went with the clerk .he asked to open an account and put fifty-six dollars on it . the clerk agreed .the man signed with his name in a book .After he had an idea ,he took six dollars of his account.While he was writing , he made a mistake . He had written fifty-six dollars .The clerk was surprised and didn't understand why he already wanted to take back all money. The clerk asked him , if he would be sure.The man didn't recognise his mistake and said he didn't want to come in a bank .The clerk gave all money at the man and the man left the bank .
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Modifié par bridg le 28-01-2007 13:08
Retrait du titre en majuscules, crier ici n'est pas utile
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Modifié par pf1989 le 29-01-2007 22:23
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Modifié par pf1989 le 29-01-2007 22:24
Message de pf1989 posté le 28-01-2007 à 12:18:38 (S | E | F | I)
Bien le bonjour à tous les participants de ce forum.Je suis en cinquiéme année de secondaire général .J'apprends l'allemand, le néerlandais et l'anglais .Ma langue maternelle étant le français je n'ai aucune difficulté mais j'aimerais pouvoir parler anglais comme je parle français alors pour cela je m'excerce d'abord à écrire des textes .Voila un petit texte que j'ai fait mais j'aimerais avoir une petite correction si cela est possible bien sûr et votre avis sur l'histoire (si vous avez compris ou pas ) Je remercie de tout coeur ceux qui vont participer à la correction de cette histoire merci beaucoup .Voici l'histoire :
One day a man who wanted to open an account .He went to the bank .He was frightened by everthings.He was in the bank and he believed to open an account , he mus ask to see the manager.He asked at the clerk to see the manager alone.The manager came back and they went in a private room.The manager asked him if he was a detective but the man explained that he wasb't a detective . After he believed that he was a member of the Rotschild family but the man explained that he wasn't a membre of this family .The man wanted only to open an account.he explained that he wanted to put fifty-six dollars in this bank .The manager was angry and called a clerk .The man went with the clerk .he asked to open an account and put fifty-six dollars on it . the clerk agreed .the man signed with his name in a book .After he had an idea ,he took six dollars of his account.While he was writing , he made a mistake . He had written fifty-six dollars .The clerk was surprised and didn't understand why he already wanted to take back all money. The clerk asked him , if he would be sure.The man didn't recognise his mistake and said he didn't want to come in a bank .The clerk gave all money at the man and the man left the bank .
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Modifié par bridg le 28-01-2007 13:08
Retrait du titre en majuscules, crier ici n'est pas utile
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Modifié par pf1989 le 29-01-2007 22:23
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Modifié par pf1989 le 29-01-2007 22:24
Réponse: My bank account de lucile83, postée le 28-01-2007 à 14:09:52 (S | E)
Hello,
J'ai compris l'histoire !
mais le texte est plein de fautes 
One day....... a man who wanted to open an account .He went to the bank .He was frightened by everthings
.He was in the bank and he believed to open an account , he mus ask to see the manager trop lourd,trop mot à mot.He asked at the clerk to see the manager alone.The manager came back and they went in a private room.The manager asked him if he was a detective but the man explained that he wasb't a detective . After he believed that he was a member of the Rotschild family but the man explained that he wasn't a membre of this family .The man wanted only to open an account.he explained that he wanted to put fifty-six dollars in this bank .The manager was angry and called a clerk .The man went with the clerk .he asked to open an account and put fifty-six dollars on it . the clerk agreed .the man signed with his name in a book .After he had an idea ,he took six dollars of his account.While he was writing , he made a mistake . He had written fifty-six dollars .The clerk was surprised and didn't understand why he already wanted to take back all.... money. The clerk asked him , if he would be sure.The man didn't recognise his mistake and said he didn't want to come in a bank .The clerk gave all.... money at the man and the man left the bank .Essayer de corriger et attention aux majuscules que je n'ai pas signalées !
See you soon
Réponse: My bank account de pf1989, postée le 28-01-2007 à 14:42:30 (S | E)
One day... A man who wanted to open an account .He went to the bank .He was frightened by everythings. He went in the bank.He wanted to open an account.He believed for that ,that he must to see the manager.He asked to the clerk to see the manager alone.The manager went by the man and they went in a private room.The manager asked him if he was a detective but the man explained that he wasn't a detective . After he believed that he was a member of the Rotschild family but the man explained that he wasn't a member of this family .The man wanted only to open an account.he explained that he wanted to put fifty-six dollars in this bank .The manager was angry and called a clerk .The man went with the clerk .he asked if he could open an account and put fifty-six dollars on it . the clerk agreed .the man signed with his name in a book .After he had an idea ,he took six dollars in his account.While he was writing , he made a mistake . He wrote fifty-six dollars .The clerk was surprised and didn't understand why he already wanted to take back all.... money. The clerk asked him , if he would be sure.The man didn't recognise his mistake and said he didn't want to come back in a bank .The clerk gave the money to the man and the man left the bank .
voila j'ai essayé de faire une correction avec l'approche que vous m'avez donnée.J'espère que cela sera mieux que la première.
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Modifié par willy le 28-01-2007 17:39
Réponse: My bank account de lucile83, postée le 28-01-2007 à 15:31:01 (S | E)
Hello,
One day a man wanted to open an account .He went to the bank .He was frightened by everythings
. He went in the bank.He wanted to open an account.He thought that he had to to see the manager.He asked to the clerk to see the manager alone.The manager went by the man and they went in a private room.The manager asked him if he was a detective but the man explained that he wasn't a detective . After he believed that he was a member of the Rotschild family but the man explained that he wasn't a member of this family .The man wanted only to open an account.he explained that he wanted to make a deposit of fifty-six dollars in this bank .The manager was angry and called a clerk .The man went with the clerk .he asked if he could open an account and put fifty-six dollars on it . the clerk agreed .the man signed with his name in a book .After he had an idea : he took six dollars in his account.While he was writing , he made a mistake . He wrote fifty-six dollars .The clerk was surprised and didn't understand why he already wanted to take back all his money. The clerk asked him , if he was sure.The man didn't recognise his mistake and said he didn't want to come back in a bank .The clerk gave the money to the man and the man left the bank .C'est mieux, mais il reste des fautes et....des majuscules (après un point...)
See you
Réponse: My bank account de pf1989, postée le 28-01-2007 à 16:25:29 (S | E)
Je fais surtout des fautes de prépositions mais je vais revoir cela parce que ce n'est pas possible comme ça mais bon voila la seconde correction.
Merci encore pour l'aide que vous m'apportez.
One day a man wanted to open an account .He went to the bank .He was frightened by all.He wanted to open an account.He thought that he had to to see the manager.He asked to the clerk to see the manager alone.The manager went to the man and they went to a private room.The manager asked him if he was a detective but the man explained that he wasn't a detective . After he believed that he was a member of the Rotschild family but the man explained that he wasn't a member of this family .The man wanted only to open an account.He explained that he wanted to make a deposit of fifty-six dollars in this bank .The manager was angry and called a clerk .The man went with the clerk .He asked if he could open an account and put fifty-six dollars on it . The clerk agreed .The man signed with his name in a book .After he had an idea .He took six dollars at his account.While he was writing , he made a mistake . He wrote fifty-six dollars .The clerk was surprised and didn't understand why he already wanted to take back all his money. The clerk asked him , if he was sure.The man didn't recognise his mistake and said he would never return at bank .The clerk gave the money to the man and the man left the bank .
Réponse: My bank account de lucile83, postée le 28-01-2007 à 16:37:00 (S | E)
Hello,
One day a man wanted to open an account .He went to the bank .He was frightened by everything.He wanted to open an account.He thought that he had to see the manager.He asked the clerk to see the manager alone.The manager went to the man and they went to a private room.The manager asked him if he was a detective but the man explained that he wasn't a detective . After he believed that he was a member of the Rotschild family but the man explained that he wasn't a member of this family .The man wanted only to open an account.He explained that he wanted to make a deposit of fifty-six dollars in this bank .The manager was angry and called a clerk .The man went with the clerk .He asked if he could open an account and put fifty-six dollars on it . The clerk agreed .The man signed with his name in a book .After he had an idea .He took six dollars from his account.While he was writing , he made a mistake . He wrote fifty-six dollars .The clerk was surprised and didn't understand why he already wanted to take back all his money. The clerk asked him if he was sure.The man didn't recognise his mistake and said he would never return to this bank .The clerk gave the money to the man and the man left the bank .
Apparemment vous êtes fâché avec les prépositions
See you
Réponse: My bank account de lilou1912, postée le 28-01-2007 à 16:42:40 (S | E)
thank you very much for your help .
J'essaierai d'être plus aimable avec les prépositions la prochaine fois que je ferai un texte.
Réponse: My bank account de pf1989, postée le 28-01-2007 à 16:44:33 (S | E)
Lilou1912 est le compte de ma copine et je me suis trompé dans la connexion.
Merci encore
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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-01-2007 17:04
Réponse: My bank account de lostagain, postée le 28-01-2007 à 16:49:12 (S | E)
Bref! Lucile, pourriez-vous lui corriger le texte sur la base de son original, et l'écrire en utilisant peut-être des temps ou des mots, qui le raccourciraient, que je puisse voir la correction. Ce qui servira probablement pas qu'à moi. Vous pourriez utiliser une couleur différente pour la correction que vous y apporteriez, ainsi nous pourrions comparer plus facilement.
Merci beaucoup.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-01-2007 17:06
Mais bien sûr ! je n'ai que ça à faire !
Je remanierai le texte initial à ma façon, ok mais je ne sais pas quand, demain peut-être par amour de l'anglais
Réponse: My bank account de lucile83, postée le 28-01-2007 à 17:32:42 (S | E)
Hello,
J'avais un moment, voici mon texte remanié, à vous de comparer, je vous laisse ce plaisir
See you
One day a man wanted to open an account so he went to a bank .He was frightened by everything and believed that he had to ask the manager to open an account .He asked a clerk to see the manager alone and then they went into a private room. The manager asked him if he was a detective but the man explained that he wasn't.Later the manager thought he was a member of the Rotschild family but the man explained that he wasn't and just wanted to open an account in order to make a deposit of fifty-six dollars .The manager was angry and called a clerk .The man went with the clerk and asked him to open an account so that he could put fifty-six dollars on it . The clerk agreed and the man signed up in a book .Then he had the idea of taking back six dollars from his account. While he was writing , he made a mistake . He wrote fifty-six dollars .The clerk was surprised and didn't understand why he already wanted to take back all his money. The clerk asked him if he was sure. The man didn't recognise his mistake and said he didn't want to come to a bank again .The clerk gave him all his money back and the man left the bank .
Réponse: My bank account de lostagain, postée le 29-01-2007 à 10:24:11 (S | E)
Merci bien Lucile. Je vais comparer.
Réponse: My bank account de lostagain, postée le 29-01-2007 à 11:34:14 (S | E)
Hello! Voici ce que j'ai traduit de ce texte, je pense ne pas forcément m'en être trop mal sorti. Mais, il manque des bouts à cette histoire...
Lucile, j'ai lu votre copie et l'original simultanément, et j'ai cru comprendre que finalement la différence était un peu comme en français. On cherche à construire des phrases plus harmonieuses, et à rendre le texte plus agréable à lire. Ai-je raison?
Un jour un homme voulut ouvrit un compte, alors il se rendit dans une banque. Il fut déçu par quelque chose et croyait qu’il devait demander le manager pour ouvrir un compte.
Il demanda au clerck à voir le manager seul, et alors qu’ils s’en allaient dans une pièce privée. Le manager lui demanda, si il était détective, mais l’homme expliqua qu’il ne l’était pas. Plus tard le manager pensa qu’il était un membre de la famille Rotschild, mais l’homme lui expliqua aussi qu’il ne l’était pas, et qu’il voulait juste ouvrir un compte afin d’y déposer cinquante six dollars. Le manager était furieux et appela un clerck. L’homme s’en alla avec le clerck et lui demanda de lui ouvrir un compte sur lequel il déposera 56 dollars. Le clerck accepta et l’homme signa un livre. Alors, il eut l’idée de retirer six dollars de son compte. Pendant qu’il écrivait, il fit une faute. Il eu écrit 56 dollars. Le clerck fut surpris et ne comprit pas pourquoi il voulait déjà retirer tout son argent. Le clerck lui demanda si il était sur. L’homme ne reconnut pas son erreur, et a dit qu’il ne voulait pur revenir dans une banque désormais. Le clerck lui redonna tout son argent et l’homme quitta la banque.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-01-2007 13:48
Une fois le texte compris il faut trouver ce que l'on dirait de façon naturelle et spontanée dans l'autre langue.
Réponse: My bank account de lucile83, postée le 29-01-2007 à 13:47:27 (S | E)
Hello,
Je n'en demandais pas tant !
Voici votre traduction remaniée:
Un jour un homme voulut ouvrit un compte, alors il se rendit dans une banque. Il avait peur de tout et croyait qu’il devait demander le directeur pour ouvrir un compte.
Il demanda à l'employé s'il pouvait rencontrer le directeur seul, et alors ils allèrent dans une pièce privée. Le directeur lui demanda, s'il était détective, mais l’homme expliqua qu’il ne l’était pas. Plus tard le directeur pensa qu’il était un membre de la famille Rotschild, mais l’homme lui expliqua aussi qu’il ne l’était pas, et qu’il voulait juste ouvrir un compte afin d’y déposer cinquante six dollars. Le directeur se mit en colère et appela un employé. L’homme s’en alla avec l'employé et lui demanda de lui ouvrir un compte sur lequel il déposerait 56 dollars. L'employé accepta et l’homme signa un livre. Alors, il eut l’idée de retirer six dollars de son compte. Pendant qu’il écrivait, il fit une faute. Il écrivit 56 dollars. L'employé fut surpris et ne comprit pas pourquoi il voulait déjà retirer tout son argent. L'employé lui demanda s'il en était sûr. L’homme ne reconnut pas son erreur, et dit qu’il ne voulait plus revenir dans une banque désormais. L'employé lui rendit tout son argent et l’homme quitta la banque.
See you
Réponse: My bank account(+ the rocking horse winne de pf1989, postée le 29-01-2007 à 22:45:24 (S | E)
Je vous souhaite à tous bonsoir .Voila j'ai lu une histoire ce matin et j'ai décidé ce soir de faire le résumé .Ceci n'est que la première partie mais si vous pouviez me montrez mes fautes comme fait ci-dessus cela m'aiderai considérablement.Merci beaucoup à tous :
(1/2)
There was a woman who was beautiful but she wasn't luck.She had children .It wasn't a good mother.She had two girls and one boy. She had a beautiful house with a garden and there were servants. They didn't have enough money .The children was growning and they must have more money.In the house there was a noise.It was a voice who came into springs of rocking horse. The rocking horse was into a room with full of expensive and wonderful toys. The voice said there must be more money .The family wasn't a car because the husband and the wife didn't have luck.The luck made ti have much money.Nobody knew who had of the luck.Perhaps god? Paul the little boy said he was lucky because god had said. His mother didn't know .The boy wanted to have of the luck .While he was climbing on the rocking horse , he went into a trance in front of two sisters .The nurse couldn't stop Paul.But one day ,his uncle said he was very old to make rocking horse. He never spoke while he was making rocking horse .He stopped ,he was angry .His uncle asked that the rocking horse had a name.The rocking horse never had name .It had several names. The last week it was Sansovino, a horse who won the Ascot.Paul bet on the horse with Bassett .Bassett was the gardener of Paul.Paul had confident in Bassett.His uncle spoke with him.He asked if he bet.Paul said no and he gave the name of the next horse who will win the run.He knew the name of horse winner. Bassett and Paul are partner.Paul bet three hunder shillings on Daffodil because he was sur that daffodil will win. Paul said and Bassett bet ,Bassett kept money .There was a lot of money .His uncle bet five shillings on Daffofil with Paul.Paul had never seen the run of horse.The money that Paul won ,it was for the box of Bassett.
Voila la seconde partie.Pour ce résumé je me suis limité avec les prépositions.
Réponse: My bank account(+ the rocking horse winne de lostagain, postée le 30-01-2007 à 10:13:01 (S | E)
Merci infiniment Lucile pour votre aide, et tout ce que vous faîtes ici pour nous qui souhaitons apprendre la langue de Shakespeare.
J'ai encore une petite question s'il vous plaît, Dans la dernière phrase, vous avez écrit: The clerk gave him all his money BACK and the man left the bank.
Pourquoi est-ce que ici le suffixe BACK n'est pas placé directement après le verbe?
Merci.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 30-01-2007 14:45
Pauvre William ! ne le maltraitez pas ainsi !
+ correction de "le" langue oops
Réponse: My bank account(+ the rocking horse winne de lucile83, postée le 30-01-2007 à 14:44:50 (S | E)
Hello lostagain,
Parce qu'en principe on ne doit jamais séparer le verbe et son complément d'objet direct, donc on place la particule après le COD.
Pour pf1989,
Je ne sais pas si j'aurai le temps de corriger cette fois
Je vais essayer mais ne promets rien.Si d'autres membres corrigent vous pourrez leur faire confiance également.
See you
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Modifié par traviskidd le 30-01-2007 15:06
Ou entre le COI et le COD, "gave him back all his money", serait aussi correct.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 31-01-2007 14:26
j'ai bien dit "en principe"
Réponse: My bank account(+ the rocking horse winne de lostagain, postée le 31-01-2007 à 13:23:33 (S | E)
Merci Lucile de la précision et acceptez toutes mes excuses pour avoir écorché le nom de William, je n'y ai fait attention qu'après avoir posté...Trop tard...
J'ai d'ailleurs aussi écrit le langue... Oupss! Et merci aussi à traviskid de son complément d'info.-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 31-01-2007 14:27
ah oui ! je n'avais pas vu "le" langue
INDISPENSABLES : 