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Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
Tout ce qui a un rapport avec l'apprentissage de l'anglais: grammaire, orthographe, aides aux devoirs, phrases etc.

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droits de la femme + dialogue
Message de POoShIBoP posté le 09-10-2005 à 11:49:48 (S | E | F | I)

Bonjour à vous tous
J'ai une rédaction en anglais (TermS) relativement importante à rendre pour mardi. Je vous soumets ci-après ce que j'ai fait.
Je ne vous demande pas bien sûr d'y passer 2 heures, mais juste de m'indiquer les fautes d'orthographe et de grammaire, ou les non-sens que vous pourriez dénicher. Merci beaucoup !


Jim and Cathy are two young British people at the beginning of the Twentieth century, barely promised in marriage. Annoyed by their dull way of life, they have the project to go and live in Austria. Cathy informed her parents and they disagree. In the following passage, she told Jack the causes of her parents' decision.

C : I am so disappointed... I waited the best moment to do my declaration. A day, they seemed to be in a fine mood so I tried and yet...

J : Tell me ! How did you argue ?

C : In first, I told them that if there was something they could do to help me, it was to allow me to choose my destiny.

J : Perhaps this is little aggressive, isn't it ?

C : I dunno. In any case, they nodded and said initially they could understand that. Obviously, they asked what I wanted. Certainly too much self-confident, I clearly declared to them that I intended to leave with you to make a living in Austria soon. Then, they were shaken. They reeled a flood of argument off to convince me not to leave.

J : Give me examples ?

C : They said I was too young to leave the family house, that the life wouldn't be safe for me in Austria.

J : There are no problems ! You are with me ! Nothing can happen to you.

C : I know but... That's precisely why they are worry ! They retorted that they didn't know you enough to have really confidence. Anyway, they affirmed that the place of women was at home and that I didn't need to go and risk my life elsewhere.

J : This vision of the world is very antiquated ! .... Well. We will escape without their agreement then !

--------------------
To what extend has the place of women evolved since the beginning of the century as regards marriage, work and education ?

I think the role of women moved much, and rather in a good way.
At the beginning of the century, women were regarded as really inferior to men. Schools were not mix: There were schools of girls opposite to schools of boys. Girls were not destined for same works as men. Whether they didn't remain at home, they became most of the time servants, workers or sometimes nurses.
The emancipation of women started after the second world war, with currents like the “Women's Lib”, which will make possible to women to have better living conditions. In France, the fifth Republic authorized women to go to vote and the wages became fairer.
Thus, in the “civilized” countries, women acquire little by little the same rights as men. Today, inequalities between civilizations about the women rights still exist because of their different cultures.

-------------------
Edité par bridg le 09-10-2005 12:23



Réponse: droits de la femme + dialogue de pooshibop, postée le 09-10-2005 à 13:27:40 (S | E)
Hum excusez-moi pour le coup des papys. Mais en fait, ce n'était pas l'effet voulu: J'ai copié collé mon introduction à partir d'un précédent message que j'avais posté sur cyberpapy.com , et oublié de modifier la formulation...Voilà, quelqu'un pour corriger ?

-------------------
Edité par bridg le 09-10-2005 13:52
c'est corrigé


Réponse: droits de la femme + dialogue de lucile83, postée le 09-10-2005 à 13:56:32 (S | E)
Hello,
That's not bad at all ! here are a few mistakes you should correct ;

C : I am so disappointed... I waited the best moment to do my declaration. A (one ) day, they seemed to be in a fine mood so I tried and yet...

C : In ( at ) first, I told them


C : I dunno. (don’t know ) ( c’est un sujet écrit, pas oral )

C : I know but... That's precisely why they are worry (worried )

See you soon


Réponse: droits de la femme + dialogue de jardin62, postée le 09-10-2005 à 15:25:45 (S | E)

Si l'introduction fait partie du travail :
- Pour respecter les temps choisis :
'Cathy informed her parents and they didn't agree/ disagreed.

Dialogue :
- A la place de 'isn't it ?' => je vous propose aussi : 'don't you think so ?'

- 'and said initially' => j'ai une impression de maladresse (c'est quand même un dialogue et cela suppose un langage correct, certes, mais simple en même temps) => 'and first said...'

- 'They asked' : ce ne serait pas plutôt 'ils se demandaient ' ? => 'they wondered' / ou alors, je fais une méprise et c'est : 'they asked me what I really wanted'.

- 'Certainly too much self-confident, I clearly ...' : la formulation me paraît trop française. Que pensez-vous du mot 'boldly' qui est un adverbe signifiant 'avec assurance, avec aplomb, hardiment' ? => I boldly /declared/stated/ that I wanted to live with you, and to ...' / à moins que ce ne soit une 2ème méprise de ma part et que vous ayiez voulu employer le verbe 'partir' => 'leave' (dans ce cas il peut y avoir une confusion malgré tout).

- ('Give me examples') => au vu de ce qui précède ('arguments'), je me serais contentée de faire dire par 'J' : 'such as ...'

- 'That ...safe in Austria' : pour plus de naturel...=> 'that it wouldn't be safe for me to live in Austria'
(Au fait 'safe' a quel sens ici pour vous ? / 'sécurité matérielle ?')

- There won't be any problems ! (temps) / You will be with me ! / We'll be together !

- 'They didn't know you enough to really (place de l'adverbe) have confidence' / They didn't know you enough to be really confident / to rely on you / <= autres formulations...

- They affirmed / they positively stated / that the place of a woman was to be at home.

- remote / old-fashioned / : pour avoir un langage plus 'courant' à l'oral...à la place de 'antiquated'

Ce ne sont que des idées supplémentaires et quelques modifications. A vous de voir.

Je trouve ce travail de bonne tenue, en tout cas.





Réponse: droits de la femme + dialogue de POoShIBoP, postée le 09-10-2005 à 17:41:49 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup à vous deux d'avoir pris du temps pour me répondre.

See you soon.


Réponse: droits de la femme + dialogue de traviskidd, postée le 09-10-2005 à 18:52:50 (S | E)
C: I am so disappointed.... I was waiting for the right time/moment to tell them. Then one day they seemed to be in a nice mood so I tried, but....

J: So what'dja say?

C: At first, I told them that if they wanted to help me, they could do it/so by letting me choose my own destiny.

J: That's a little agressive, don'tcha think?

C: I dunno.... In any case they nodded and at first said they could understand that. So of course they asked what I wanted. Well, over-confident Me told them I intended to go away with you and make a life in Austria soon. Well that just flipped them out. They kept reeling off reasons why I shouldn't go.

J: Like what?

C: Like I was too young to leave home, that life wouldn't be safe for me in Austria.

J: What?!? That's not even an issue! I'd never let anything happen to you!

C: I know but... that's precisely what they're worried about! They said they don't really know you enough to trust you. Anyway, they said that a woman's place was at home and that I didn't need to go risking my life somewhere else.

J: That picture of the world is so 19th century! Well, I guess we'll just have to go without their blessing then!


Réponse: droits de la femme + dialogue de traviskidd, postée le 09-10-2005 à 19:28:02 (S | E)
To what extendt has the place of women evolved since the beginning of the last (on est désormais le 21er ) century as regards marriage, work and education ?

I think the role of women moved has changed much, and rather in a good way.
At the beginning of the last (même remarque ) century, women were regarded as really inferior to men. Schools were not mixed: There were schools of girls girls' schools opposite to schools of boys boys' schools. Girls were not destined for the same works as men. Whether Even if they didn't remain at home, they became most of the time servants, workers or sometimes nurses.
The emancipation of women started after the Second World War, with currents movements like the “Women's Lib”, which will make has made it possible to for women to have better living conditions. In France, the Fifth Republic authorized women to go to vote and the wages became fairer.
Thus, in the “civilized” countries, women acquire little by little the same rights as men. [Today, inequalities between civilizations about the regarding/[with respect to] women's rights still exist because of their different cultures.] Today, inequalities with respect to women's rights still exist between civilizations because of their different cultures.




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