Aide/relecture

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Aide/relecture
Message de kdi223 posté le 22-11-2017 à 12:14:26 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai une expression orale et je voudrais s'il vous plait une correction et si je suis dans le thème; voici le sujet :
Your best friend is celebrating his/her 17th birthday. You give a speech. Include anecdotes and a little poem about his/her second-generation immigrant.
Hi everyone and welcome! I am honored to be giving this birthday toast to my longest and closest friend.
First of all, happy birthday and a big thanks to all of you for joining us to celebrate Marilyn's 17th birthday. I would like to take a couple minutes to talk about Tammy and the wonderful amazing teenager that she is! You always has been determined since you were little, no matter what the circumstances were. I was spending a lot of great women with you. If I pick one of the best moment... It's difficult. Do you remember the day when we you are inviting me to celebrate the Chinese New year parade. There were several costumes,dragon dances, fireworks and others.You told me that the goal of this celebration is to spend time with family, exchange gift including money wrapped in red and gold packages. Oh I love this culture and we had a lovely time...What I appreciate the most with is that you never disown yout Chinese roots. I am so grateful to have such a great friend in my lyfe. I wrote for you a little poem for this occasion :

TRUST YOURSELF
Do you remember this dinner ?
With your family and me ?
This dinner make me think...
You know why ? No indeed...
Poverty the topic of us discussion
A situation that your parents knew in a small village in China
Then they arrived to America and now you here is
You're speak chinese,you're cool,you are totaly take on your Chinese culture
Two culture it is so fashion. No ?
A real life teenage superstar
Red, colour in china
synonym of happinness success and fortune
All I hope for you
Trust yourself beacause all of us are proud of you my tall Marilyn, my best friend...
Merci d'avance.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-11-2017 12:48

Réponse : Aide/relecture de gerondif, postée le 22-11-2017 à 14:16:39 (S | E)
Bonjour
erreurs en bleu,cuggestions en vert
j'ai une expression orale et je voudrais s'il vous plait une correction et savoir si je suis dans le thème; voici le sujet :
Your best friend is celebrating his/her 17th birthday. You give a speech. Include anecdotes and a little poem about his/her second-generation immigrant.
Hi everyone and welcome! I am honored to be giving (give suffirait) this birthday toast to my longest and closest friend.
First of all, happy birthday and a big thanks (thanks est pluriel, a singulier, je dirais thank you so much) to all of you for joining us to celebrate Marilyn's 17th birthday. I would like to take a couple minutes(on dit a couple of) to talk about Tammy and the wonderful and(il y a des principes d'ordre de classement des adjectis que je n'ai pas la place de développer ici(par exemple, impression taille couleur âge, a nice big blue new car). Comme les deux adjectifs sont du même registre, and ira bien) amazing teenager that she is! You always has(aïe !! you has ???) been determined since you were little, no matter what the circumstances were. I was spending(quel sens ??? je dépensais beaucoup de grandes femmes ???) a lot of great women with you. If I pick one of the best moment (pluriel)...(je ne comprends pas le sens de ce passage) It's difficult. Do you remember the day when we you are inviting(prétérit simple) me to celebrate the Chinese New year parade. There were several costumes,dragon dances, fireworks and others(ne va pas, d'autres quoi ? plenty of other activities, other entertainment)).You told me that the goal of this celebration is(prétérit) to spend time with (possessif)family, exchange gift(pluriel) (virgule) including money wrapped in red and gold packages. Oh I love this culture and we had a lovely time...What I appreciate the most ~~with~~(à supprimer, à moins que vous n'ayez voulu dire ce que j'apprévie le plus chez toi, auquel cas "in you" manquait) is that you never disown(prétérit ?) your Chinese roots. I am so grateful to have such a great friend in my lyfe(orthographe). I wrote (for) you a little poem for this occasion :

TRUST YOURSELF
Do you remember this dinner ?
With your family and me ?
This dinner make(troisième personne présent = S)(un prétérit serait d'ailleurs plus logique, c'est un souvenir passé) me think...
You know why ? No indeed...(au sens de "No ? Vous ne voyez pas ? il faudrait dire: "You really don't ?")
Poverty the topic of us(vous confondez nous et notre) discussion
A situation that your parents knew in a small village in China
Then they arrived to(pour un verbe de mouvement, mais arrive n'en est pas un: I go to school, to America, I arrive at school, in America) America and now you here is(you is ???? On dit Here you are)
You're speak(conjugaison bancale!!! c'est soit, you speak(préférable ici) soit you are speaking) chinese (majuscule),you're cool, you are totaly take on(n'a pas de sens, traduction littérale de être en prise avec ??) your Chinese culture
Two culture it is so fashion(il faut l'adjectif, pas le nom !!). No(familier, un n'est-ce-pas serait la formule attendue) ?
A real life teenage superstar
Red, colour in(in ou of?) china (majuscule)
synonym of happinness(virgule) success and fortune
All I hope for you (ne va pas, déjà, ce serait everything, et je pense que le verbe souhaiter conviendrait mieux)
Trust yourself beacause all of us (we are all serait plus courant) are proud of you(virgule) my tall(grande en taille , C'est une girafe ? Ou grande en âge, en importance , my great friend, alors) Marilyn, my best friend...

Réponse : Aide/relecture de kdi223, postée le 22-11-2017 à 18:17:22 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup grâce à vos propositions je pense avoir compris mes erreurs, je vais proposer une correction de ce devoir pour voir si j'ai bien compris.
Merci encore.

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