Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
Tout ce qui a un rapport avec l'apprentissage de l'anglais: grammaire, orthographe, aides aux devoirs, phrases etc.
Correction de faute svp
Message de guiguignol posté le 22-03-2007 à 21:28:55 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour,
Pourriez vous corriger les fautes de mon texte anglais s'il vous plait.
Merci d'avance.
A few time after his discussion with Linda Rash and the elimination of Elvex, the robot, Susan Calvin decides to meet all these colleagues to explain to them why she was obliged to destroy Elvex.
«Hello everybody, I meet you all to inform you about what it happened. For those who don't know, Linda has created a robot with a positronic brain which uses the fractal geometry. With the fractal geometry, this robot had an intellectual plan close to the human brain and this morning, the robot said to Linda that he dreamed. He knew that he dreamed because Lynda gave to the robot a vocabulary of human type and the robot compared what he made with the words of his vocabulary and he concluded that he dreamed. I thus asked Elvex about what he had dreamed, he answered me that he dreamed about robots which worked in the heat and radiations, that all these robots were tired to work hard, that he wanted some rest and that in his dream robots had to protect their own existence. I was very amazed by this dream because this dream is a piece of the 3rd law of robotics and by discussing with him I noticed that in the dream there was no 1st, no 2nd, and the end of the 3rd law, this robot was able in his dream to think and to adapt 3 laws as he wished it.
At this moment, I didn't know if I was going to eliminate this robot or not, he didn't look dangerous and had the very interesting look for research, I decided to speak with Elvex to know more about these dreams. Elvex spoke to me about these dreams and tells to me that for some day he dreamed about a man and that this man said that it was necessary to let the robots people go and the man he spoke about, it was himself. On this word, I reflected during 10 seconds and I caught my electron gun to destroy Elvex. Elvex was dangerous because he dreamed to be a man and was capable of by-passing 3 laws of robotics.
If one day he thinks he is really a man, he could control quite robots by using the second law and it's will represent a danger for all of us because he could make them do anything of the moment which he doesn't damaged us.This new shape of intellectual plan basing itself on the fractal geometry is very close to the human brain and it's very dangerous for us because robots can considerates them as humans and control the other robots. So I ask you to be very careful when you use the intellectual plans with strong complexity."
Message de guiguignol posté le 22-03-2007 à 21:28:55 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour,
Pourriez vous corriger les fautes de mon texte anglais s'il vous plait.
Merci d'avance.
A few time after his discussion with Linda Rash and the elimination of Elvex, the robot, Susan Calvin decides to meet all these colleagues to explain to them why she was obliged to destroy Elvex.
«Hello everybody, I meet you all to inform you about what it happened. For those who don't know, Linda has created a robot with a positronic brain which uses the fractal geometry. With the fractal geometry, this robot had an intellectual plan close to the human brain and this morning, the robot said to Linda that he dreamed. He knew that he dreamed because Lynda gave to the robot a vocabulary of human type and the robot compared what he made with the words of his vocabulary and he concluded that he dreamed. I thus asked Elvex about what he had dreamed, he answered me that he dreamed about robots which worked in the heat and radiations, that all these robots were tired to work hard, that he wanted some rest and that in his dream robots had to protect their own existence. I was very amazed by this dream because this dream is a piece of the 3rd law of robotics and by discussing with him I noticed that in the dream there was no 1st, no 2nd, and the end of the 3rd law, this robot was able in his dream to think and to adapt 3 laws as he wished it.
At this moment, I didn't know if I was going to eliminate this robot or not, he didn't look dangerous and had the very interesting look for research, I decided to speak with Elvex to know more about these dreams. Elvex spoke to me about these dreams and tells to me that for some day he dreamed about a man and that this man said that it was necessary to let the robots people go and the man he spoke about, it was himself. On this word, I reflected during 10 seconds and I caught my electron gun to destroy Elvex. Elvex was dangerous because he dreamed to be a man and was capable of by-passing 3 laws of robotics.
If one day he thinks he is really a man, he could control quite robots by using the second law and it's will represent a danger for all of us because he could make them do anything of the moment which he doesn't damaged us.This new shape of intellectual plan basing itself on the fractal geometry is very close to the human brain and it's very dangerous for us because robots can considerates them as humans and control the other robots. So I ask you to be very careful when you use the intellectual plans with strong complexity."
Réponse: Correction de faute svp de marilynsaddict, postée le 23-03-2007 à 12:27:36 (S | E)
Salut!
Voilà les choses que j'ai remarquées:
= what it is happened
Tu peux enlever le "is" car to happen signifie se passer, arriver.
= asked Elvex about what he had dreamed
je ne vois pas ce que tu veux dire; il ne manque pas un bout de phrase?
What he had dreamed OF
= the heat and the radiations
le 2eme article défini n'est pas utile.
= these robots were tired by the hard of their work
la fin de ta phrase me semble lourde. On dirait plutôt "tired of working hard " ou "tired to work hard"
= that he had wished some rest
Plutôt he wanted some rest
= look for the research
Là aussi je ne pense pas que l'article soit nécessaire puisque apparemment tu parles de la recherche en général.
= says to me that for some day
On utiliserait TELL plutôt que say.
= he dreamed about a man
Il me semble qu'on dit to dream of sth or s.o
= to let go the people of robots
ta construction n'est pas bonne. le complément se place entre LET et GO. C'est LET sb GO
= the man about he spoke
La préposition toujours, enfin plutôt très souvent à la fin. Ici, c'est le cas.
= I catch my pistol with electron to destroy Elvex
Pourquoi ce changement de temps soudain?
= which he don't damaged us
Au secours!!! Et les règles sur la 3eme personne du singulier du présent, elles sont où???
= he really takes himself for a man
Es-tu sûr de ta traduction de l'expression "se prendre pour quelqu'un"? car ça me semble être une traduction au mot à mot là.
Voilà, j'ai lu le texte en gros et c'est ce qui m'a d'abord sauté aux yeux.
En espérant que ça t'aura aidé!
Réponse: Correction de faute svp de guiguignol, postée le 23-03-2007 à 19:14:42 (S | E)
Voilà, j'ai édité mon texte en corrigeant les erreurs.
J'ai rajouté le bout de phrase qui manquait, désolé.
Par contre, je ne vois pas pourquoi il faut mettre What he had dreamed OF ?
Concernant le "he really takes himself for a man", j'ai remplacé ça par "he thinks he is man really", je pense que c'est mieux ?
Voilà, pourriez-vous me dire les fautes qui restent ?
Merci.
