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Just a personal exercise
Message de titom41 posté le 24-09-2007 à 21:00:43 (S | E | F | I)
Si quelqu'un veut bien me dire ce qui n'est pas correct dans ce texte, je l'en remercie d'avance.
Rudy was a tall young man, about 20, with huge hands, enormous feet and an angular face. He walked slightly vaulted and had a terrifying gaze: big round eyes which seemed never to move in their cavities. A killer’s face, I said to myself the first time I met him. It was on our first day at College.
I don’t know why he came and sat down beside me in the classroom, but that was the beginning of a long mutual help. Rudy’s personality was just opposite his appearance. He was quiet, steady and incapable of any badness. It sometimes took him quite a while to understand some new concepts, but he did never forget what he had caught. As for me, I was rather quick in understanding but also very prompt in forgetting. So we went through our four year’s studies, I helping him to acquire knowledge and he remembering me all what I had already forgotten.
We hardly spoke about private life. I just knew he had a girlfriend, Nancy, and he was aware that I was married and father of a little girl. Neither Rudy nor I could afford normal studies, so each of us had a fulltime job and attended this Evening College. And none of us has taken any holidays over these four years.
As we finally received our diploma and left the College, Rudy asked me :” Will you go on holidays this year?”. I answered that it wouldn’t be possible yet but that I hoped to do so the next year. “Nancy and I will go to Spain, it will be the first time I see the Sea!”
A few weeks later, I was working at my office when Nancy called me, announcing that Rudy had had an unease while swimming and was drowned. I got like paralyzed and couldn’t say anything more than “Can I do anything for you?”. Nancy told me that the insurance was caring for the repatriation and that there was no need for more assistance. And she appended : “He so often told me about you that I thought he would had liked you to be informed by me”. I suddenly realized that we were closer than I thought.
Time goes by, fourteen years have past. I am now an old man trying to refresh his English and I wished Rudy could still help me! Can somebody take his place and tell me what is wrong in this text? Thank you.
Message de titom41 posté le 24-09-2007 à 21:00:43 (S | E | F | I)
Si quelqu'un veut bien me dire ce qui n'est pas correct dans ce texte, je l'en remercie d'avance.
Rudy was a tall young man, about 20, with huge hands, enormous feet and an angular face. He walked slightly vaulted and had a terrifying gaze: big round eyes which seemed never to move in their cavities. A killer’s face, I said to myself the first time I met him. It was on our first day at College.
I don’t know why he came and sat down beside me in the classroom, but that was the beginning of a long mutual help. Rudy’s personality was just opposite his appearance. He was quiet, steady and incapable of any badness. It sometimes took him quite a while to understand some new concepts, but he did never forget what he had caught. As for me, I was rather quick in understanding but also very prompt in forgetting. So we went through our four year’s studies, I helping him to acquire knowledge and he remembering me all what I had already forgotten.
We hardly spoke about private life. I just knew he had a girlfriend, Nancy, and he was aware that I was married and father of a little girl. Neither Rudy nor I could afford normal studies, so each of us had a fulltime job and attended this Evening College. And none of us has taken any holidays over these four years.
As we finally received our diploma and left the College, Rudy asked me :” Will you go on holidays this year?”. I answered that it wouldn’t be possible yet but that I hoped to do so the next year. “Nancy and I will go to Spain, it will be the first time I see the Sea!”
A few weeks later, I was working at my office when Nancy called me, announcing that Rudy had had an unease while swimming and was drowned. I got like paralyzed and couldn’t say anything more than “Can I do anything for you?”. Nancy told me that the insurance was caring for the repatriation and that there was no need for more assistance. And she appended : “He so often told me about you that I thought he would had liked you to be informed by me”. I suddenly realized that we were closer than I thought.
Time goes by, fourteen years have past. I am now an old man trying to refresh his English and I wished Rudy could still help me! Can somebody take his place and tell me what is wrong in this text? Thank you.
Réponse: Just a personal exercise de TravisKidd, postée le 24-09-2007 à 21:23:17 (S | E)
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- at college (pas de majuscule)
- long mutual help (pas vraiment de sens, pourquoi pas "friendship"?)
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- what he had
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- he
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- sea (pas de majuscule)
- Rudy had an unease (pas vraiment de sens, quelle sorte de malaise exactement?)
- would
- fourteen years have
- I
An excellent text overall; all of these errors are minor. Was Rudy your actual friend, and did he help you with your English? If so, I'm honored to have been able to take his place.
Réponse: Just a personal exercise de titom41, postée le 24-09-2007 à 21:58:52 (S | E)
Thank you Traviskidd. Yes, Rudy was my actual friend and the story is absolutely true. But we didn’t have any English lessons at college.
