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Correction d'un journal (1)

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Correction d'un journal
Message de nino posté le 16-02-2009 à 17:39:52 (S | E | F)

Bonjour,

Je dois écrire un journal intime pour demain.Ce serait sympa si quelqu'un pouvait me le corriger.

Donald Woods’ diary

September 10th 1975

At last a story to tell in my diary! Since I had bought it in the last year, I hadn’t found an interesting experience in my life to write. But what has happened in the last few days gave me motivation to open my diary. I could name my diary: ‘My adventure with Stephen Biko’.
As editor of the Daily Dispatch, a famous newspaper in South Africa, I have to write the editorial of the newspaper. Yesterday a young black woman, Mamphela Rampele, who was doctor, was very angry with me because I had written an article attacking Stephen Biko. In this article, I have criticized him because he is a black leader activist and racist against white people. She didn’t agree with me, she said I didn’t understand Biko and am uninformed. And to know him better, she suggested that I meet Biko.

September 16th 1975

Sorry, dear diary! I have forgotten to write these last days, because things have sped up! My first meeting with Mr Biko was short but exciting. We spoke a bit and decided to see each other again. I had to see him in a black clinic he had created and where only black people work. I didn’t agree with Biko. I believe South Africa needed organizations where black and white people could work together. Biko, on the contrary, thinks that he has to help the black people could together and take job only to them, because he said that a black man with the same ability than a white man has less chance to work. He also said that I didn’t know black people’s life and home. I didn’t why but I accepted to see a township. My wife can’t get over it! I don’t either. Was I right on accepting Biko’ proposition? I don’t know but this man holds in store for me many surprises.



Réponse: Correction d'un journal de azer3, postée le 16-02-2009 à 20:24:00 (S | E)
Bonjour,
September 10th 1975

At last a story to tell in my diary! Since I had bought it in the last year, I hadn’t found an interesting experience in my life to write. But what has happened in the last few days gave me motivation to open my diary. I could name my diary: ‘My adventure with Stephen Biko’.
As editor of the Daily Dispatch, a famous newspaper in South Africa, I have to write the editorial of the newspaper. Yesterday a young black woman, Mamphela Rampele, who was doctor, was very angry with me because I had written an article attacking Stephen Biko. In this article, I have criticized him because he is a black leader activist and racist against white people. She didn’t agree with me, she said I didn’t understand Biko and am uninformed. And to know him better, she suggested that I meet Biko.

September 16th 1975

Sorry, dear diary! I have forgotten to write these last days, because things have sped up! My first meeting with Mr Biko was short but exciting. We spoke a bit and decided to see each other again. I had to see him in a black clinic he had created and where only black people work. I didn’t agree with Biko. I believe South Africa needed organizations where black and white people could work together. Biko, on the contrary, thinks that he has to help the black people could together and take job only to them, because he said that a black man with the same ability than a white man has less chance to work. He also said that I didn’t know black people’s life and home. I didn’t why but I accepted to see a township. My wife can’t get over it! I don’t either. Was I right on accepting Biko’ proposition? I don’t know but this man holds in store for me many surprises.
since implique l'emploi du present perfect
c'est le simple past
je crois que c'est le présent
article indéfini
pourquoi "was" hier elle était docteur et aujourdhuit nom? vérifie!
a doctor
a black racist leader active against
I
we...and... il manque quelque chose
that
ca n'a pas de sens cette phrase
aussi ca n'a pas de sens...
Voilà corrige toi...

-------------------
Modifié par mariebru le 16-02-2009 21:05




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