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Message de sylefmo posté le 14-10-2009 à 20:13:25 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai besoin de votre avis, de vos idées d'améliorations et éventuellement de vos corrections. J'ai essayé d'utiliser le maximum de tournures et de bonnes utilisations de la langue anglaise, mais je doute que mon expression soit parfaite :D
Voici ;p
« Golden Door » is set in four different locations:
1.In Italy
2.On the Boat
3.At Ellis island
4.and in a fantasy world
At the beggining of the film, the scene takes place in a sicillian village called Patralia in southern Italia. The landscape looks like a desert because of drought and main character's home underline his poverty.
After, we can see a mysterious place illustrated by a milk river and carrot's boat.
The Wonderland is illustrated by Dollar Trees but it's just a dream of the father
Next, the family leaves its country and takes the boat. She passed two weeks in this boat. She sleeps in steerage but to avoid people, during the day, she goes on the deck.
Finally the familly arrived on Ellis Island a kind of jail where immigrants are penned as a fair. Each one goes in a test room, and single goes to a wedding hall to take husband or a wife.
This film mixes reality and extravagance. The hope of immigrants is already present but the reality is uncivilized and the producer's message is elapsed.:
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Modifié par lucile83 le 14-10-2009 21:20
Message de sylefmo posté le 14-10-2009 à 20:13:25 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai besoin de votre avis, de vos idées d'améliorations et éventuellement de vos corrections. J'ai essayé d'utiliser le maximum de tournures et de bonnes utilisations de la langue anglaise, mais je doute que mon expression soit parfaite :D
Voici ;p
« Golden Door » is set in four different locations:
1.In Italy
2.On the Boat
3.At Ellis island
4.and in a fantasy world
At the beggining of the film, the scene takes place in a sicillian village called Patralia in southern Italia. The landscape looks like a desert because of drought and main character's home underline his poverty.
After, we can see a mysterious place illustrated by a milk river and carrot's boat.
The Wonderland is illustrated by Dollar Trees but it's just a dream of the father
Next, the family leaves its country and takes the boat. She passed two weeks in this boat. She sleeps in steerage but to avoid people, during the day, she goes on the deck.
Finally the familly arrived on Ellis Island a kind of jail where immigrants are penned as a fair. Each one goes in a test room, and single goes to a wedding hall to take husband or a wife.
This film mixes reality and extravagance. The hope of immigrants is already present but the reality is uncivilized and the producer's message is elapsed.:
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 14-10-2009 21:20
Réponse: Vos idées d'amélioration- Lieux de seb06000, postée le 14-10-2009 à 20:32:11 (S | E)
bonjour,
je vous laisse les indications de correction:
"At the beggining (ortho) of the film, the scene takes place in a sicillian village called Patralia in southern Italia. The landscape looks like a desert because of drought and main character's (il manque un article) home underline his poverty.
After (erreur de connecteur logique), we can see a mysterious place illustrated by a milk river and carrot's boat (article manquant).
The Wonderland is illustrated by Dollar Trees but it's just a dream of the father
Next, the family leaves its country and takes (voc) the boat. She (erreur de pronom sujet)passed (voc)two weeks in this boat. She sleeps in steerage but to avoid people, during the day, she goes on the deck.
Finally the familly arrived on Ellis Island a kind of jail where immigrants are penned as a fair. Each one goes in a test room, and single (voc) goes to a wedding hall to take husband or a wife (il manque un article mais la structure n'est pas correcte).
This film mixes reality and extravagance. The hope of immigrants is already present but the reality is uncivilized and the producer's message is elasped'
Voici pour la partie grammaire
Amicalement
sebastien
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