Correction /école idéale

Correction /école idéale
Message de marthalczk posté le 29-11-2012 à 19:52:38 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

j'ai dû rédiger une rédaction en anglais, le sujet est "Raconter votre école idéale en employant le présent et au moins : 2 obligations, 2 interdictions, 2 autorisations, 2 passifs, 2 comparatifs et 5 mots de liaison. Voici ma rédaction, j'aimerais bien que quelqu'un me donne son avis et corrige s'il y a des fautes.
Merci pour votre aide !

Firstly, in my ideal school there is no more stairs, students have to take an escalator or a lift.
Also, lockers are inside the building as a result students are less cold during winter.
In the second hand there is a relaxing atmosphere, in the classrooms chairs are more comfortable than in the normal schools.
Corridors are very large so that all the students can pass at the same time.
On the other hand there is a specific room where everybody can listen music, watch TV or just relax during breaks.
In my dream school there are a lot of school trips. The day begin at 10 a.m and a breakfast is gaven to each student. School must finish before 5 p.m
After sport classes students must take a shower. There is an high school sport team for example a basketball team or a soccer team.
Students are not allowed to shout in the corridors, if they damage something they have to replace it, indeed a calm and clean school is more pleasant than a noisy and dirty school.
Every Friday night there is a party to relax and to have a good time but students are not allowed to drink alcohol or to smoke.
When a student is punish he doesn't have to go in detention but he has to think about what he did and to understand his mistake.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-11-2012 21:25

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Réponse: Correction /école idéale de notrepere, postée le 29-11-2012 à 20:04:31 (S | E)
Bonjour!!

Firstly, in my ideal school there is (accorde : stairs) no more stairs, students have to (sens de 'il faut' ? can, get to, or just say "An escalator or lift is provided instead." take an escalator or a lift.
Also, lockers are inside the building[point] As a result, students are less cold during winter.
In the second handSecondly, there is a relaxing (forme -ed) atmosphere, in the classrooms chairs are more comfortable than in the normal (sens ?? faux ami) schools.
Corridors are very large so that all the students can pass at the same time.
On the other handAdditionally, there is a specific room where everybody can listen [preposition missing] music, watch TV or just relax during breaks.
In my dream school there are a lot of school trips. The day begin (accorde) at 10 a.m and a breakfast is gaven to each student. School must finish before 5 p.m
After sport classes, students must take a shower. There is an high school sport team[point] For example, a basketball team or a soccer team.
Students are not allowed to shout in the corridors, if they damage something they have to replace it, indeed a calm and clean school is more pleasant than a noisy and dirty school.
Every Friday night there is a party to relax and to have a good time but students are not allowed to drink alcohol or to smoke.
When a student is punished he doesn't have to go in detention but he has to think about what he did and to understand his mistake.

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Modifié par notrepere le 29-11-2012 20:09

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Réponse: Correction /école idéale de marthalczk, postée le 29-11-2012 à 20:22:06 (S | E)
Merci pour ton aide ! C'est des petites fautes que je n'avais pas vues, j'ai corrigé mais j'ai encore un doute pour "than in the other school"

Firstly, in my ideal school there are no more stairs, students have to take an escalator or a lift.
Also, lockers are inside the building. As a result, students are less cold during winter.
Secondly, there is a relaxed atmosphere, in the classrooms chairs are more comfortable than in the other schools.
Corridors are very large so that all the students can pass at the same time.
Additionally, there is a specific room where everybody can listen to music, watch TV or just relax during breaks.
In my dream school there are a lot of school trips. The day begins at 10 a.m and a breakfast is gaven to each student. School must finish before 5 p.m
After sport classes, students must take a shower. There is an high school sport team. For example, a basketball team or a soccer team.
Students are not allowed to shout in the corridors, if they damage something they have to replace it, indeed a calm and clean school is more pleasant than a noisy and dirty school.
Every Friday night there is a party to relax and to have a good time but students are not allowed to drink alcohol or to smoke.
When a student is punished he doesn't have to go in detention but he has to think about what he did and to understand his mistake

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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-11-2012 21:28

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Réponse: Correction /école idéale de alienor64, postée le 29-11-2012 à 22:07:26 (S | E)
Bonsoir Marthalczk

Pour "lever votre doute" !
"... chairs are more comfortable than in the other schools."
---Quand " other" est adjectif ( c'est-à-dire , suivi d'un nom ), il est invariable .
Quand " other" est pronom , il prend la marque du pluriel .
Votre phrase est donc correcte .
--" ....breakfast is gaven...." ( participe passé de " to give ")
-- " There is an high school sport team "( " a" devant un mot commençant par un son-consonne ; c'est le cas pour " high " ,
et " an " devant un mot commençant par un son-voyelle ou un " h" muet .)
Bonne soirée !

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Réponse: Correction /école idéale de notrepere, postée le 29-11-2012 à 22:55:12 (S | E)
Hello

There is a high school sports team.

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