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Aide correction/ Dm

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Aide correction/ Dm
Message de leou83 posté le 12-12-2016 à 19:24:11 (S | E | F)
Bonjour bonsoir !
Je voudrais de l'aide s'il vous plait pour corriger mon Dm pour jeudi !
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses !

Le sujet: Do you feel mobility is an obligation or an oppotunity in today's world ?
Today there are all kinds of jobs in the world, each person can with will to succeed in the field that pleases him. In both texts one sees that the characters go to other countries to continue their studies or to carry out their work. Working abroad can be rewarding. This makes us discover other people, other culture and new landscapes. For a company hiring someone who speak several languages can be an advantage, and this can value her cv. I think it's good to have the opportunity to go abroad especially when you're young.
A person who has worked all his life in the same city may at the end of his career be disappointed not to have gone to visit another city or even another country. But going abroad is also a complicated decision. This involves leaving his family, his friends. Being alone in an unknown and new place can be destabilizing. The family can also be against this change that will "change" the person. As it will evolve and may be different from before. Changing countries to work or study may also be an obligation. Unemployment can be a cause of exile, one can go abroad to find a better job. War can also be a cause of exile, as for example in mali. Young people are forced to flee their country to continue their studies. Going abroad can also show some motivation. For me, going to work or study abroad is a good initiative but it is necessary to think about it before launching. For we must not forget his family and friends, which for them the departure can be painful. Why not try the experience !?


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Modifié par lucile83 le 12-12-2016 21:17


Réponse : Aide correction/ Dm de gerold, postée le 14-12-2016 à 17:43:58 (S | E)
Bonjour leou83,
je n`ai pas le temps de lire votre texte à fond, mais je peux quand même vous donner quelques indications pour l`améliorer.

oppotunity (orthographe); each person can with will to succeed ...: après un modal, pas de "to" ; one sees that the characters (personnages de roman?) go ... : simplifiez: we can see people going to other countries ...; someone who speak ...: 3ème personne sing., il manque quelque chose; this can value her cv: le cv de qui? Plutôt: this person`s cv; A person ... may ... be disappointed not to have gone to visit ...: employez plutôt le verbe "regretter" qu`"être déçu" et simplifiez: not to have visited. This involves leaving one`s family, one`s friends (phrase impersonnelle); ... "change" the person as (supprimer le point) it will evolve: la personne, cela ne peut pas être "it", mali (majuscule); For me, going to work or study ... cela fait un peu "traduit de" , simplifiez: For me, working or ...; before launching: to launch into, se lancer dans, je ne suis pas sûr que l`on puisse employer cette expression sans complément, suggestion: "to take the plunge", sauter le pas; For we must not forget his family ... : notre famille; which for them: ce n`est pas la bonne manière de traduire "pour qui".

Bon travail, n`oubliez pas de reposter le texte corrigé.



Réponse : Aide correction/ Dm de leou83, postée le 14-12-2016 à 20:56:28 (S | E)
Bonsoir ! merci pour vos conseils précieux ! voila le texte corrigé ! si vous avez le temps de jeter un coup d’œil avant demain 13h ca serait très gentil ! très bonne soirée !

Today there are all kinds of jobs in the world, each person can with will succeed in the field that pleases him. In both texts one sees that the characters( voir les docs) go to other countries to continue their studies or to carry out their work. Working abroad can be rewarding. This makes us discover other people, other culture and new landscapes. For a company hiring someone who speak’s several languages can be an advantage, and this person’s CV. I think it's good to have the opportunity to go abroad especially when you're young.
A person who has worked all his life in the same city may at the end of his career be disappointed not to have gone to visit another city or even another country. But going abroad is also a complicated decision. This involves leaving one’s family, one’s friends . Being alone in an unknown and new place can be destabilizing. The family can also be against this change that will "change" the person as is will evolve and may be different from before. Changing countries to work or study may also be an obligation. Unemployment can be a cause of exile, one can go abroad to find a better job. War can also be a cause of exile, as for example in Mali. Young people are forced to flee their country to continue their studies. Going abroad can also show some motivation.For me, working or abroad is a good initiative but it is necessary to think about it to launch into . For we must not forget our family and friends, for who the departure can be painful. Why not try the experience !?



Réponse : Aide correction/ Dm de gerold, postée le 14-12-2016 à 22:39:58 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

quelques suggestions:

in the field he or she likes (modification); other cultures (pluriel), speak`s (pourquoi l`apostrophe?); this can value this person`s cv (oubli); may ... regret serait mieux que may ... be disappointed (question de sens, on regrette de ne pas avoir fait quelque chose); as he or she will evolve; working or studying (oubli); for whom grammaire).

Avec plus de temps on pourrait faire mieux, mais c`est déjà bien comme ça.



Réponse : Aide correction/ Dm de here4u, postée le 14-12-2016 à 23:47:57 (S | E)
Hello !

Today there are all kinds of jobs in the world, (2)each person (3)can (1with willpower) to (4succeed in the field that pleases him or her). In both texts one sees that the characters go to other countries to continue their studies or to carry out their work. Working abroad can be rewarding. This makes us discover other people, other cultureS and new landscapes. For a company hiring someone who speak several languages can be an advantage, and this can value her??? cv. I think it's good to have the opportunity to go abroad especially when you're young.
A person who has worked all his/her life in the same city may at the end of his/her career be disappointed not to have gone to visit another city or even another country. But going abroad is also a complicated decision. This involves leaving his family, his friends. Being alone in an unknown and new place can be destabilizing= unsettling. The family can also be against this change that will "change" the person. As it= a person!!! will evolve and may be different from before. Changing countries to work or study may also be an obligation. Unemployment can be a cause of exile, one can go abroad to find a better job. War can also be a cause of exile, as for example in M mali. Young people are forced to flee their country to continue their studies. Going abroad can also show some motivation. For me, going to work or study abroad is a good initiative but it is necessary to think about it before launching. For we must not forget his family and friends, which for them the departure can be painful= revoir la construction! . Why not try the experience !?





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