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Rédaction/aide

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Rédaction/aide
Message de perfect posté le 17-11-2019 à 19:19:00 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
Voici une rédaction sur le thème du harcèlement (histoire).

One day, when I was leaving class, I was going to read a book under a tree when a bunch of college students came to me and started to harass me. They threatened to tear all my things if I did not do their homework.
This was repeated, every week I had to do their homework and I had more and more until I did not do mine. My parents saw that I was overwhelmed and wondered why I had so many homework, I simply told them that it was the teachers who asked a lot.
At one point I was tired and started crying. A classmate, Fannie came to me wondering what was wrong. I rejected her for fear that she would tell others that I was being harassed.
Over time, I realized that she was a very beautiful, caring and reliable person who was always there for me, so I told her the whole story
She advised me: "The bullies want you to not react. Their goal is to get you scared. And if you show them you are not scared, they will keep you off and stop bulliying you. Remember they want to upset you so much so you have to react. "
I regained a smile, I finally had the help of a person.
I thanked her for all her advice.
The next week, they came back, having understood the advice of Fannie, I rebelled: "Get out, I will not do your homework, if you carry on, I will go to denounce the headmaster" I shouted.
From now on, being afraid of being excluded, they left me alone all year long. Remember that there are people who will help you.

Merdi d'avance pour toutes vos corrections,
perfect

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 17-11-2019 19:30


Réponse : Rédaction/aide de gerondif, postée le 17-11-2019 à 19:34:33 (S | E)
Bonjour
erreurs en bleu
One day, when I was leaving class and I was going to read a book under a tree when a bunch of college students came to me and started to harass me. They threatened to tear all my things if I did not do their homework.
This was repeated, every week I had to do their homework and I had more and more until I did not do mine. My parents saw that I was overwhelmed and wondered why I had so many(homework est singulier) homework, I simply told them that it was the teachers who asked a lot.
At one point I was tired and started crying. A classmate, Fannie came to me wondering what was wrong. I rejected her for fear that she would tell others that I was being harassed.
Over time, I realized that she was a very beautiful, caring and reliable person who was always there for me, so I told her the whole story
She advised me: "The bullies want you to not(inversez) react. Their goal is to get you scared. And if you show them you are not scared, they will keep you off(inversez) and stop bulliying you. Remember they want to upset you so much so you have to react. "
I regained(mauvais choix de verbe) a smile, I finally had the help of a person.(somebody's help serait mieux)
I thanked her for all her advice.
The next week (avec la concordance des temps, the week after ou the following week serait plus correct), they came back, having understood the advice of Fannie (cas possessif!!), I rebelled: "Get out(uniquement si vous êtes dans une pièce), I will not do your homework, if you carry on, I will go to denounce the headmaster"(là, vous dénoncez le proviseur) I shouted.
From now (from then on, on est dans le passé)on, being afraid of being excluded, they left me alone all year long(à changer). Remember that there are people who will help you.



Réponse : Rédaction/aide de perfect, postée le 17-11-2019 à 19:50:02 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Merci votre aide.

I will go to denounce you at the headmaster.
I had so much homework...
They left me alone throughout the year.
Auriez-vous de meilleurs phrases (meilleure syntaxe), peut-être plus structurées ?

Merci d'avance,
perfect



Réponse : Rédaction/aide de gerondif, postée le 17-11-2019 à 21:10:16 (S | E)
Bonjour

I will go to denounce you at the headmaster.at est faux et I will go aussi.
I had so much homework...ok
They left me alone throughout the year.for the rest of the year.
Auriez-vous de meilleurs phrases (meilleure syntaxe), peut-être plus structurées ? Oui mais ce n'est pas à moi de faire votre devoir.




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