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Nick lived in NYC / Correction

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Nick lived in NYC / Correction
Message de alphax posté le 06-05-2010 à 19:52:10 (S | E | F)

Bonjour, quelqu'un pourrait-il corriger la grammaire, conjugaison de ce texte?
Merci d'avance.

5 years ago Nick lived in a small apartment in New York.
He had a mother who was on drugs, a dead brother and an unknown father. He became a bad man because he was tired of the problems of his mother and her lack of affection. He killed persons, and detectives looked for him. He was a gangster and he dealt drugs and guns. Now he comes to Los Santos. A friend told him to come. He took the plane to escape his country and have a new life.
First i want to have a big house and meet a girl to make her my wife. I want to have a job likes businessman and i will buy a car. I want to go shopping, meet friends. But i will meet girls too because like real life, the men are unfaithful to their wife. And i think if this life will be boring, i will join a gang and see action.

Robbing and scamming are not allowed in OOC but in IC they are allowed. We can't steal more than 5,000 and scam more than 50,000.
It's allowed at lvl 3 or+.

Death matching is when we kill persons without reason. For example i see three man in the street and i kill them, for not reason.
Or ram people on the sidewalk with my car

Revenge Killing is when i get killed by someone or by a group of persons and that after, the only thing that i have in mind is to kill them back. But when i get killed my memory is wiped and i can't come back to kill the men.
For example, Bob kill me with a deagle for some reason, well if i spawn and run to him and say Hey man, get away this is my turf then start to punch him or kill him, this is Revenge Killing.

Metagaming is when we use OOC information in Ic situation.
For example, no asking the person what's his name but reading the name tag.
An other example. A man tells me with his mobile and i know who is it before he tells me.
Metagaming can be when we don't act in a way that reflects our character experiences or back-story.
For example I'm a police officer and i can steal.

Powergaming it's when we forcing our role play on other people or we want the power, give an advantage to our personage and not giving the other player a chance to protect themselves.
Often with the command /me. Example: I'm police officer and i arrest a suspect and i forcing him to play this role. I do /me arrest ..., put him in the car and lock the car. But i have to do /me try to ...
The other definition of powergaming is when we do unrealistic things. For example i survive after a big explosion.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 07-05-2010 07:44
titre


Réponse: Nick lived in NYC / Correction de notrepere, postée le 07-05-2010 à 06:39:57 (S | E)
Hello:

5 (spell out numbers less than 10 and generally when they begin sentences) years ago Nick lived in a small apartment in New York.

He had a mother who was on drugs, a dead brother and an unknown (this is not the best word choice as an adjective) father. He became a bad man because he was tired of the problems of his mother (this would read better if you changed the word order starting with "his") and her lack of affection. He killed persons (wrong word choice), and detectives looked (verb tense? are they still looking for him?) for him. He was a gangster and he dealt drugs and guns. Now he comes (Then he: to come simple past) to Los Santos. A friend told him to come. He took the plane to escape his country and have (infinitive?) a new life.

First i want (you switched from third person to first person, why?) to have a big house and meet (infinitive?) a girl to make her my wife.

More help later once you fix these problems...



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