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Letter to daughter

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Letter to daughter
Message de elmadrilene posté le 28-12-2010 à 14:37:38 (S | E | F)
Bonjour et joyeuses fêtes.

J'aimerais que vous m'aidiez à corriger ma lettre (il s'agit d'une mère qui écrit à sa fille après une conversation au téléphone car cette fille décide de tout abandonner pour vivre à San Francisco. Il s'agit d'un type BAC).

Cleveland (USA)
Sunday, August 04th 2010

Dear Darling,
I hope you are having fun in San Francisco. I’m writing to you about our phone conversation. When you said to me that you wanted to stay in San Francisco, a feeling of sadness appeared in me. I felt guilty and said to myself that I didn’t have play my mother’s role. Maybe I had become too cumbersome in your private life. But you know, it’s important to understand me, you are the last one after Vicki and Sonny so it was necessary to that I’m completely present in your life to guide you in straight and narrow. After their departure, I felt abandoned and I hoped that you would always stay by my side. Furthermore, you had everything to be happy here. Indeed, a good job as secretary at Lassister Fertilizers; the appearance of new apartments with sauna and swimming pool at Ridgemont. Then, with all that we hear at the television concerning the numerous murders and earthquakes in San Francisco, my anxiety was justified.

But now, I have to face the evidence, you are twenty-five years, and as you said me: you are become a grown woman. I thought a lot and if your dream is to be install in San Francisco, so I respect your choice and I’m even going to help to you realize it.
You are young and you have a lot of projects in head, I understand. I was similar at your age. Moreover it is partially thanks to that which I was able to meet your father in San Francisco, this spirit of adventure.
In more, with the will which you have to take out there, I know that you will find easily a new work and maybe better than at Lassiter Fertilizers.
Concerning dad, he found that very brave from your part and was moved because San Francisco, it is the city where we met. He hopes that you will find over there a man who will suit you. I embrace you and hope that you will soon visit us with good news.

A last thing, you will always remain my darling to my eyes
Your mom who loves you.


Si vous pouvez m'aider à ajouter des choses pour ma lettre je suis preneur.
Merci pour vos réponses.

-------------------
Modifié par elmadrilene le 28-12-2010 14:37


-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 28-12-2010 14:41



Réponse: Letter to daughter de laure95, postée le 28-12-2010 à 15:18:59 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Voici ce que tu dois corriger:
Cleveland (USA)
Sunday, August 04th 2010

Dear Darling,
I hope you are having fun in San Francisco. I’m writing to you about our (last) phone conversation. When you said to (utiliser plutôt TELL) me that you wanted to stay in San Francisco, a feeling of sadness appeared (chercher un verbe plus précis) in me. I felt guilty and said to myself that I didn’t have play my mother’s role (le rôle de ma mère?). Maybe I had become (je mettrai le présent perfect) too cumbersome in your private life. But you know, it’s important to understand me, you are the last one (youngest) after Vicki and Sonny so it was necessary to that I’m completely present (pas la bonne construction) in your life to guide you in straight and narrow. After their departure, I felt abandoned and I hoped that you would always stay by my side. Furthermore, you had everything to be happy here. Indeed, a good job as a secretary at Lassister Fertilizers; the appearance of new apartments with sauna and swimming pool at Ridgemont. Then, with all that we hear at the television concerning the numerous murders and earthquakes in San Francisco, my anxiety was justified.

But now, I have to face the evidence, you are twenty-five years, and as you said me: you are become (temps) a grown woman. I thought a lot and if your dream is to be install in San Francisco, so I respect your choice and I’m even going to help to you realize it (to make it true).
You are young and you have a lot of projects in head, I understand. I was similar at your age. Moreover it is partially thanks to that which I was able to meet your father in San Francisco, this spirit of adventure.
In more, with the will which you have to take out there, I know that you will find easily a new work and maybe better than at Lassiter Fertilizers.
Concerning dad, he found that very brave from your part and was moved because San Francisco, it is the city where we met. He hopes that you will find over there a man who will suit you. I embrace you and hope that you will soon visit us with good news.

A last thing, you will always remain my darling to my eyes
Your mom who loves you.




Réponse: Letter to daughter de notrepere, postée le 28-12-2010 à 17:32:18 (S | E)
Hello!

I would like to build on the fine correction of laure95.

I felt guilty and said to myself that I didn’t have play my mother’s role [I think you mean "be like my mother was with me" or "be like my mother"]. Maybe I had become too cumbersome in your private life. But you know, it’s important to understand me ["understand my position" or "understand where I'm coming from" is more natural], [need a period] You are the last one after Vicki and Sonny so it was [present tense] necessary (to) that I’m completely present in your life to guide you in straight and narrow [The expression in English is "on the straight and narrow"]. After their departure, I felt abandoned and I hoped that you would always stay by my side. Furthermore, you had everything to be happy here. [deux-points/colon here] Indeed. a good job as secretary at Lassister Fertilizers; the appearance [un autre mot] of new apartments with sauna and swimming pool at Ridgemont. Then, with all that we hear at (on) the television concerning the numerous murders and earthquakes in San Francisco, my anxiety was justified.

But now, I have to face the evidence, (fact that) you are twenty-five years old [or just "twenty-five" comme le dit laure], and as you said me: you are become [+ing] a grown woman. I thought [Present Perfect] a lot about it or about this and if your dream is to be install [Not a good verb] in San Francisco, so (then) I respect [Conditional: + future: will] your choice and I’m even going to help (to) you realize it.

You are young and you have a lot of projects in head ['dreams' would be more natural], I understand. I was similar at your age. Moreover it is partially thanks to that which I was able to meet your father in San Francisco, this spirit of adventure. [Je ne comprends pas exactement le sens de cette phrase]
In more (Additionally), with the will which (that) you have to take ["have" is more natural] out there, I know that you will find easily [before "find"] a new work and maybe better that at (a better job than the one) at Lassiter Fertilizers.

Concerning dad, he found ['il trouve' ne se traduit pas exactement en anglais. Je suggère: 'he thinks'] that you are very brave from your part and was moved because San Francisco(, it) is the city where we met. He hopes that you will find over there [put this after "suit you"] a man who will suit you. I embrace you and hope that you will soon visit us with good news.

A [mauvaise traduction de l'article indéfini: a, an or one] last thing, you will always remain my darling to (in) my eyes

Your mom who loves you.




Réponse: Letter to daughter de elmadrilene, postée le 28-12-2010 à 20:48:05 (S | E)
MERCI à vous d'avoir pris le temps de me corriger.

Voilà j'ai modifié ma lettre mais j'ai certains doutes sur les phrases (entre parenthèse).



Dear Darling,
I hope you are having fun in San Francisco. I’m writing to you about our last phone conversation. When you told me that you wanted to stay in San Francisco, a feeling of sadness appeared (je pensais à “envouter”) in me. I felt guilty and said to myself that I didn’t play my role of mother (rôle de mère je veux parler). Maybe I have become too cumbersome in your private life. But you know, it’s important to understand my position, you are the youngest after Vicki and Sonny so it is necessary that I’m completely present in your life to guide you on the straight and narrow. After their departure, I felt abandoned and I hoped that you would always stay by my side. Furthermore, you had everything to be happy here: a good job as a secretary at Lassister Fertilizers; the construction of new apartments with sauna and swimming pool at Ridgemont. Then, with all that we hear on television concerning the numerous murders and earthquakes in San Francisco, my anxiety was justified.

But now, I have to face that the evidence, you are twenty-five, and as you said it to me: you are becoming a grown woman. I have thought a lot about that and if your dream is to live San Francisco, then I will respect your choice and I’m even going to help to you to make it true.
You are young and you have a lot of dreams in head, I understand. I was similar at your age. Moreover it is partially thanks to that I was able to meet your father in San Francisco, this spirit of adventure.
Additionally, with the will that you have to have out there, I know that you will easily find a better job than the one at Lassiter Fertilizers.
Concerning dad, he thinks that you are very brave and was moved because San Francisco, is the city where we met. He hopes that you will find a man who will suit you over there. I embrace you and hope that you will soon visit us with good news.

One last thing, you will always remain my darling to in my eyes
Your mom who loves you.

-------------------
Modifié par elmadrilene le 28-12-2010 20:48





Réponse: Letter to daughter de notrepere, postée le 29-12-2010 à 04:53:55 (S | E)
Hello

I hope you are having fun in San Francisco. I’m writing to you about our last phone conversation. When you told me that you wanted to stay in San Francisco, a feeling of sadness came over me. I felt guilty and said to myself that I didn’t need to play the role of mother. Maybe I have become too cumbersome [le mot 'meddlesome' est mieux] in your private life. But you know, it’s important to understand my position, you are the youngest after Vicki and Sonny so it is necessary that I’m completely present in your life to guide you on the straight and narrow. After their departure, I felt abandoned and I hoped that you would always stay by my side. Furthermore, you had everything to be happy here: a good job as a secretary at Lassister Fertilizers; the construction of new apartments with sauna and swimming pool at Ridgemont. Then, with all that we hear on television concerning the numerous murders and earthquakes in San Francisco, my anxiety was justified.

But now, I have to face that the evidence, ['the fact 'that' est mieux] you are twenty-five, and as you said (it) to me: you are becoming a grown woman. I have thought a lot about that [les bons conseils étaient déjà donnés] and if your dream is to live San Francisco, then I will respect your choice and I’m even going to help (to) you to make it come true.

You are young and you have a lot of dreams (in head), I understand. I was similar at your age. Moreover it is partially thanks to that I was able to meet your father in San Francisco, this spirit of adventure.
Additionally, with the will that you have to have out there, I know that you will easily find a better job than the one at Lassiter Fertilizers.
Concerning dad, he thinks that you are very brave and was moved because San Francisco, is the city where we met. He hopes that you will find a man who will suit you over there. I embrace you and hope that you will soon visit us with good news.

One last thing, you will always remain my darling (to) in my eyes

Bon travail.



Réponse: Letter to daughter de elmadrilene, postée le 29-12-2010 à 09:22:25 (S | E)
Hello

Merci pour votre correction mais cependant je ne pense pas que vous ayez compris ce que je voulais dire lorsque je parle du rôle de la mère. En fait je veux expliquer que comme la fille a décidé de prendre ses distances, la mère culpabilise et pense qu'elle n'a pas bien joué son rôle de mère.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-12-2010 16:05



Réponse: Letter to daughter de notrepere, postée le 29-12-2010 à 15:41:41 (S | E)
Rebonjour

"I felt guilty and said to myself that I didn’t play my role of mother"

Bon, on peut dire aussi: I felt guilty and said to myself that I haven't been a very good mother or haven't played my role as mother very well.

Expressions: to be a good mother, to play the role of mother

I hope this helps.

Amicalement




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