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Aide/héros

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Aide/héros
Message de eleve1999 posté le 16-01-2016 à 00:38:01 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
serait-il possible que quelqu'un jette un coup d'oeil à mon essai d'anglais juste histoire de checker vérifier la grammaire?
Merci beaucoup d'avance et bonne année !

Most of all, a modern day hero is someone who fights for a good cause and positive. I think that heros evolved according to time. Heros of the 21 century are not the same from heros of the middle ages. So, according to this definition , I think that the report 2 is the best representation for the programe « Modern Day hero ». This report is talking about Rick Aggeler a graduated from the famed Berklee College of Music in 2007. Instead of become a professional drummer, he chose to be a music teacher, but with a mission. Insofar as he opened a Music Clubhouse for kids in the inner. Now he is 25 years old.

To begin with, for me, this report is the best because opened a Clubhouse in the inner has many many advantages. Indeed, Rick embody a modern hero because with the music he could prevent kids from doing drug trade. Don’t forget that we talk about kids from inner, so in their districts, fast buck is so present. And I think that the music could be a solution for this problem. It’s a very good cause. Rick Aggeler is a man with much humanities. You could knock me over with a feather. Moreover, playing music or writing music, could permit them to forget all their problems. Music is a very good solution. All that advantages are possible thanks to Rick Aggeler. This man is a hero. Furthermore we can talk about too of the self esteem. Indeed, kids, with the music club house can build their self esteem. And I think that for kids from the inner, the self esteem is very important for their futur.

Likewise, the opening of the Music Clubhouse bring many other advantages. For instance, thanks to the club, Rick Aggeler shared his passion for music and all music’s magic. Thanks to this education, Rick even guarantee them a futur for some. Last but not least, in Rick’s music club, the kids sing togethe: that thing is a very good training to develop the understanding and the cohesion with other people. This quality is required for their futur. That is what illustrated the pictures under:

All things considered, I think it’s a very good cause and it’s why this report have to be in the program. The creation of the clubhouse is very touching and it’s a real proof of humanity and solidarity. Then, with this kind of proof , Rick Aggeler embodys perfectly the modern day hero. This report is the best representation for this program.

------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 16-01-2016 08:15


Réponse: Aide/héros de gerondif, postée le 16-01-2016 à 10:51:45 (S | E)
Bonjour,
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert

Most of all, a modern day hero is someone who fights for a good cause and positive. (mal placé) I think that heros(les mots en o ont un pluriel en es, c'est comme goes et does) evolved according to time. Heros of the 21(ordinal) century are not the same from heros of the middle ages. So, according to this definition , I think that the report 2 is the best representation for the programe « Modern Day hero ». This report is talking(un rapport ne "cause" pas) about Rick Aggeler a graduated from the famed Berklee College of Music in 2007. Instead of become a professional drummer, he chose to be a music teacher, but with a mission. Insofar as he opened a Music Clubhouse for kids in the inner(in the inner quoi?). Now he is 25 years old.

To begin with, for me, this report is the best because opened(gérondif,ing) a Clubhouse in the inner has many many advantages. Indeed, Rick embody(3éme personne présent simple) a modern hero because with the music he could prevent kids from doing drug trade. Don’t forget that we talk(présent progressif) about kids from inner, so in their districts, fast buck is (j'aurais mis ça au pluriel) so present. And I think that the music could be a solution for this problem. It’s a very good cause. Rick Aggeler is a man with much humanities(singulier). You could knock me over with a feather. Moreover, playing music or writing music, could permit (allow) them to forget all their problems. Music is a very good solution. All that(pluriel) advantages are possible thanks to Rick Aggeler. This man is a hero. Furthermore we can talk about too(à mettre en fin de phrase, ou alors utiliser also devant le verbe) of the self esteem. Indeed, kids, with the music club house can build their self esteem. And I think that for kids from the inner, the self esteem is very important for their future.

Likewise, the opening of the Music Clubhouse bring(présent simple, 3ème personne) many other advantages. For instance, thanks to the club, Rick Aggeler shared his passion for music and all music’s magic. Thanks to this education, Rick even guarantee(présent simple...) them a future for some of them. Last but not least, in Rick’s music club, the kids sing together: that thing (maladroit, à remplacer par /, ce qui/ which après une virgule) is a very good training to develop the understanding and the cohesion with other people. This quality is required for their future. That is what illustrated the pictures under:(pas d'inversion)

All things considered, I think it’s a very good cause and it’s why this report have to be in the program. The creation of the clubhouse is very touching and it’s a real proof of humanity and solidarity. Then, with this kind of proof , Rick Aggeler embodys perfectly the modern day hero. This report is the best representation for this program.

A moins que l'expression "from the inner" ait un sens aux USA dans les grandes villes (mais je ne trouve rien en passant cette expression sur google, je vois from the inner city) il manque un mot.

P.S. Vous n'avez jamais corrigé votre premier sujet du 3 janvier.




Réponse: Aide/héros de eleve1999, postée le 16-01-2016 à 18:07:13 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup beaucoup pour votre aide, elle m'a été très précieuse! Ah oui c'est vrai! merci beaucoup, au revoir.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 16-01-2016 19:10
Ok... toujours pas de correction



Réponse: Aide/héros de eleve1999, postée le 16-01-2016 à 21:07:28 (S | E)
Most of all, a modern day hero is someone who fights for a good and positive cause. I think that heroes evolved time. Heros of the 21 century are not the same heroes of the middle ages. So, according to this definition , I think that report 2 is the best representation for the program « Modern Day hero ». This report is about Rick Aggeler a graduate from the fame Berklee College of Music in 2007. Instead of become a professional drummer, he chose to be a music teacher, but with a mission. Insofar as he opened a Music Clubhouse for kids in the inner city. Now he is 25 years old.

To begin with, for me, this report is the best because opening a Clubhouse in the inner city has many many advantages. Indeed, Rick embodies a modern hero because with music he could prevent kids from doing drug trade. Don’t forget that we talking about kids from inner city, so in their districts, fast bucks are so present. And I think that the music could be a solution for this problem. It’s a very good cause. Rick Aggeler is a man with many humanity. You could knock me over with a feather. Moreover, playing music or writing music, could allow them to forget all their problems. Music is a very good solution. All these advantages are possible thanks to Rick Aggeler. This man is a hero. Furthermore we can talk about also the self esteem. Indeed, kids, with the music club house can build their self esteem. And I think that for kids from the inner city, the self esteem is very important for their futur.

Likewise, the opening of the Music Clubhouse bring many other advantages. For instance, thanks to the club, Rick Aggeler shared his passion for music and all music magic. Thanks to this education, Rick even guarantee a future for some of them. Last but not least, in Rick’s music club, the kids sing together, which is a very good training to develop understanding and cohesion with other people. This quality is required for their future. That what illustrated the pictures under:

All things considered, I think it’s a very good cause and it’s why this report had to be in the program. The creation of the clubhouse is very touching and it’s a real proof of humanity and solidarity. Then, with this kind of proof , Rick Aggeler embodies perfectly the modern day hero. This report is the best representation for this progra



Réponse: Aide/héros de gerondif, postée le 16-01-2016 à 22:43:17 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert

Most of all, a modern day hero is someone who fights for a good and positive cause. I think that heroes evolved (avec)time. Heros of the 21(orddinal, comme les dates) century are not the same heroes of the middle ages. So, according to this definition , I think that report 2 is the best representation for the programme « Modern Day hero ». This report is about Rick Aggeler a graduate from the fame(est un nom, il faut l'adjectif Berklee College of Music in 2007. Instead of become(gerondif, ING) a professional drummer, he chose to be a music teacher, but with a mission. Insofar as he opened a Music Clubhouse for kids in the inner city. Now he is 25 years old.

To begin with, for me, this report is the best because opening a Clubhouse in the inner city has many many advantages. Indeed, Rick embodies a modern hero because with music he could prevent kids from doing drug trade. Don’t forget that we are talking about kids from inner city, so in their districts, fast bucks are so present. And I think that the music could be a solution for this problem. It’s a very good cause. Rick Aggeler is a man with many humanity. You could knock me over with a feather. Moreover, playing music or writing music, could allow them to forget all their problems. Music is a very good solution. All these advantages are possible thanks to Rick Aggeler. This man is a hero. Furthermore we can also talk about the self esteem. Indeed, kids, with the music club house can build their self esteem. And I think that for kids from the inner city, the self esteem is very important for their future.

Likewise, the opening of the Music Clubhouse bring(le s du présent) many other advantages. For instance, thanks to the club, Rick Aggeler shared his passion for music and all music magic. Thanks to this education, Rick even guarantees a future for some of them. Last but not least, in Rick’s music club, the kids sing together, which is a very good training to develop understanding and cohesion with other people. This quality is required for their future. That's what illustrated( à mettre en fin de phrase) the pictures under:

All things considered, I think it’s a very good cause and it’s why this report had to be in the program. The creation of the clubhouse is very touching and it’s a real proof of humanity and solidarity. Then, with this kind of proof , Rick Aggeler embodies perfectly the modern day hero. This report is the best representation for this programme (gb) / program (us)



Réponse: Aide/héros de eleve1999, postée le 17-01-2016 à 10:43:27 (S | E)
Most of all, a modern day hero is someone who fights for a good and positive cause. I think that heroes evolved with time. Heroes of the 21th century are not the same heroes of middle ages. So, according to this definition , I think that report 2 is the best representation for the program « Modern Day hero ». This report is about Rick Aggeler a graduate from the fame Berklee College of Music in 2007. Instead of becoming a professional drummer, he chose to be a music teacher, but with a mission. Insofar as he opened a Music Clubhouse for kids in the inner city. Now he is 25 years old.

To begin with, for me, this report is the best because opening a Clubhouse in the inner city has many many advantages. Indeed, Rick embodies a modern hero because with music he could prevent kids from doing drug trade. Don’t forget that we are talking about kids from inner city, so in their districts, fast bucks are so present. And I think that music could be a solution for this problem. It’s a very good cause. Rick Aggeler is a man with much humanity. You could knock me over with a feather. Moreover, playing music or writing music, could allow them to forget all their problems. Music is a very good solution. All these advantages are possible thanks to Rick Aggeler. This man is a hero. Furthermore we can also talk about self esteem. Indeed, kids, with the music club house can build their self esteem. And I think that for kids from the inner city, the self esteem is very important for their future.

Likewise, the opening of the Music Clubhouse brings many other advantages. For instance, thanks to the club, Rick Aggeler shared his passion for music and all music magic. Thanks to this education, Rick even guarantees a future for some of them. Last but not least, in Rick’s music club, the kids sing together, which is a very good training to develop understanding and cohesion with other people. This quality is required for their future. That’s what the pictures illustrated under:

All things considered, I think it’s a very good cause and it’s why this report had to be in the program. The creation of the clubhouse is very touching and it’s a real proof of humanity and solidarity. Then, with this kind of proof , Rick Aggeler embodies perfectly the modern day hero. This report is the best representation for this program.




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