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Correction/Spaces and Exchanges

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/Spaces and Exchanges
Message de mimilele posté le 07-04-2016 à 20:40:55 (S | E | F)
Bonjour tout le monde
J'aurai besoin d'aide pour corriger un texte! Merci beaucoup d'avance pour votre aide.

To begin, I am going to define this notion « Spaces and exchanges ».  The different spaces of the world are nowadays more and more connected to each other. The exchanges can appear on many forms: people, trade, information. To illustrate this notion I've choosen to speak about a mutlicultural society which is Great Britain. Indeed, this country hosts many differents culture. Thus, it's possible to wonder if this situation operate good or not in this country ? First I will show evidence that the multicultural society is not always a good thing. Then, to finish, I will put forward differents examples which demonstrate that sometimes this situations is a success.

In the first place, I think it's important to know that the multicultural society does not always work well. Indeed, this situation is often marked with a difficult integration for minorities. The most striking example, according to me, is the racial riots in 1981 in Brixton a Black neighbourhood in London. Those riots were extremly violents and were due to the discrimination that Black people suffered from. It was not the first racial riot in UK still it was the first to receive a political response. To do so, Mr Whitelaw, the then-Home Secretary, of the Margaret Tatcher government, appointed Lord Scarman to lead an enquiry and write a report with propositions. Lord Scarman, finally, conclued that these riots were spontaneous and were the result of the social and racial situation. He said that the gap between the inhabitants of the inner-cities and the rest of population must be birdged soon. It's a matter of emergency. In this report, he used rhetorical devices to argue his point and be as convincing as possible. The report was well received, it aimed at preventing racial discrimination. Measures were taken especially in the police. Therefore in this case the multicultural society is not a success but improvements were made.
But this fact is not the only example, indeed we can also use an article from « The Guardian ». It focuses on the Gallagher family, who is one of the only white families in Manningham, Bradfort, in Northern England, nowadays. The Gallaghers are a White minority in an Asian neighbourhood. The Gallaghers are interviewed and Jakes, the son, states that to be White in his neighbourhood isn't an easy part. And according to him, you must be hard to face everyday violence based on racial discrimination. Thus Jack is proud to be a Porkie and don't want to fit in. Besides the interest of this article is that the tables are turned still, we have to keep in mind that outside Manninghan the Gallagers are not a minority anymore but the Asian are. This fact does not help its Pakistani inhabitants to get integrated into the British society. So in these differents example the mutlicultural society is a failure.
However, in the second place, I will show you evidences that this situation can be a good thing. Always using the Guardian's article we can show that the sister, Ashlene, don't react as his brother. Indeed, she refuses to be different, she is even ready to become a Muslim, like her friends so she would be better accepted. Thanks to this vision we can say that the Gallager's situation is an opportunity for this family to toopen their minds. The author of this article is also an example of the success of the integration. Indeed he indentifies himself in Ashlene since he was a child, he was one of the only Asian boy in a White school and he wanted to fit in. Thus, he did his best to be like his White friends as Ashlene. That was for this man a success as we can see with his job. Now I will speak about an extract from White Teeth by Zadie Smith who is a famous and successful British author of mixed origins and who is an other example of the success of the integration. In this extract there is a conflict between Magid and his parents, indeed, they discovered that their son is for his friends Mark Smith rather than Magid. The little boy changed his name since he wants to get integrate in the British Society. This example shows that once again people want to be integrate but it shows also the consequences of this act. The boy want to get rid of his social and cultural origins indeed to be accept in the British society he must rejecting his culture. And through this, his family, and it is very difficult for the parents.

To conclude, I can say that on the one hand multicultural society can be view as a failure but on the other hand, in my view, it's a wealth to be confronted with differents cultures and that also can be a success. That's why, according to me, the exchange between cultures and the integration of everyone in the country should be encouraged.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 07-04-2016 23:13


Réponse: Correction/Spaces and Exchanges de here4u, postée le 07-04-2016 à 22:36:47 (S | E)
Hello !

blue = wrong
souligné = maladroit. Pas "anglais"!

To begin, I am going to define this notion « Spaces and exchanges ». The different spaces of the world are nowadays more and more connected to each other. The exchanges can appear on many forms: people, trade, information. To illustrate this notion I've choosen to speak about a mutlicultural society which is Great Britain (GB =a country!). Indeed, this country hosts many differents culture. Thus, it's possible to wonder if this situation operate good or not in this country ? First I will show evidence that the multicultural society is not always a good thing. Then, to finish, I will put forward differents examples which demonstrate that sometimes this situations is a success.

In the first place, I think it's important to know that the multicultural society does not always work well. Indeed, this situation is often marked with a difficult integration for minorities. The most striking example, according to me, is the racial riots in 1981 in Brixton a Black neighbourhood in London. Those riots were extremly violents and were due to the discrimination that Black people suffered laforme en -ing conviendrait mieux! from. It was not the first racial riot in XXX UK, still it was the first XXX to receive a political response. To do so, Mr Whitelaw, the then-Home Secretary, of the Margaret Tatcher government, appointed Lord Scarman to lead an enquiry and write a report with propositions. Lord Scarman, finally, conclued (l'infinitif est "conclude") that these riots were spontaneous and were the result of the social and racial situation. He said that the gap between the inhabitants of the inner-cities and the rest of XXX population must be birdged soon. It's a matter of emergency. In this report, he used rhetorical devices to argue his point and be as convincing as possible. The report was well received, it aimed at preventing racial discrimination. Measures were taken especially in the police. Therefore in this case the multicultural society is not a success but improvements were made.
But this fact is not the only example, indeed we can also use an article from « The Guardian ». It focuses on the Gallagher family, who is one of the only white families in Manningham, Bradfort, in Northern England, nowadays. The Gallaghers are a White minority in an Asian neighbourhood. The Gallaghers are interviewed and Jakes, the son, states that to be White in his neighbourhood isn't an easy part. And according to him, you must be hard to face everyday violence based on racial discrimination. Thus Jack is proud to be a Porkie and don't want to fit in. Besides, the interest of this article is that the tables are turned still, we have to keep in mind that outside Manninghan the Gallagers are not a minority anymore but the Asian are. This fact does not help its Pakistani inhabitants to get integrated into the British society. So in these differents example the mutlicultural society is a failure.
However, in the second place, I will show you evidences that this situation can be a good thing. Always using the Guardian's article we can show that the sister, Ashlene, don't react as his brother. Indeed, she refuses to be different, she is even ready to become a Muslim, like her friends so she would be better accepted. Thanks to this vision we can say that the Gallager's situation is an opportunity for this family to to/open their minds. The author of this article is also an example of the success of the integration. Indeed he indentifies himself in Ashlene since when? he was a child, he was one of the only Asian boy in a White school and he wanted to fit in. Thus, he did his best to be like his White friends as Ashlene.pas clair! That was for this man a success= ordre des mots) as we can see with his job. Now I will speak about an extract from White Teeth by Zadie Smith who is a famous and successful British author of mixed origins and who is an other example of the success of the integration. In this extract there is a conflict between Magid and his parents, indeed, they discovered that their son is for his friends Mark Smith rather than Magid. The little boy changed his name since he wants to get integrate in the British Society. This example shows that once again people want to be integrate but it shows also the consequences of this act. The boy want to get rid of his social and cultural origins indeed to be accept in the British society he must rejecting his culture. And through this, his family, and it is very difficult for the parents.

To conclude, I can say that on the one hand multicultural society can be view as a failure but on the other hand, in my view, it's a wealth to be confronted with differents cultures and that also can be a success. That's why, according to me, the exchange between cultures and the integration of everyone in the country should be encouraged.



Réponse: Correction/Spaces and Exchanges de mimilele, postée le 10-04-2016 à 14:29:25 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide!!
Il me reste deux petites questions sur l'introduction seulement
"To illustrate this notion I've chosen to speak about a multicultural society which is that of Great Britain."
Puis-je formuler cela de cette manière pour dire "qui est celle de la Grande-Bretagne" ?
"Indeed, this country hosts many different cultures. Thus, it's possible to wonder if this situation work good or not in this country ? "
Dans la problématique j'ai donc remplacé "operate" par "work" mais je ne sais pas trop si ce verbe correspond mieux?
Merci beaucoup!!



Réponse: Correction/Spaces and Exchanges de gerondif, postée le 10-04-2016 à 16:40:54 (S | E)
Bonjour,
vous partez du français pour ensuite tordre l'anglais à vos demandes:
"To illustrate this notion I've chosen to speak about Great Britain as a multicultural society " irait aussi bien.

"Indeed, this country hosts many different cultures. Thus, it's possible to wonder if this situation work good or not(ne va pas, en plus il manque le s du présent simple) in this country ? "
" Great Britain hosts many different cultures indeed! We may wonder whether this is beneficial or not for this country."




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